For a lot of my friends, it's like looking at their baby books or wedding photo albums. Well, it's usually the same for me too, but oftentimes, I see suggested posts on mine from 5 years ago and don't post them. Why? Because that person doesn't really seem like me any more or I'm just happy that I made it to a new chapter.
There certainly were a lot of expectations for me, but many of them conflicted between the various parts of my community and with my own ideas. I was often erasing my own blueprint and drawing a whole new one with each step I took in creating my identity. Looking back, I do have regrets, but they're not the ones I thought I would have 5 years ago. My life was headed in a direction that I didn't want it to, but I didn't see any way out. I couldn't imagine 5 years into the future because I was so busy trying to survive most days.
Five years ago, my life was about to change in very major yet positive ways, but the uprooting was painful and chaotic. It certainly didn't look like anything positive was happening or going to happen in my life. I was in a very deep low. I was coming out of an unhealthy relationship in which I had invested a lot of myself. I was struggling as one of the "working poor" with no end to that in sight, and I had grown up living -as the government termed it- "beneath the poverty line". I was in a lot of pain in different ways and unsure about most things. I didn't see a way to have a really strong and supportive social network at that time, and hardly anyone knew what was going on in my "behind the scenes". I had to be very careful about maintaining that "highlight reel" (whether or not that was the right choice is debatable). I felt that I had no true safe haven. Nowhere I really belonged. I didn't know who I was. I say all of that not for the sake of drama or pity but so that maybe others will gain hope and encouragement from my story. So, just hang on, my story isn't going to be a tragedy.
Fast forward to the present...I'm married to "Hero"- the man who was my best friend and one of the few who saw the truth and supported me. Hero did not keep me through force or fear. He attracted me and helped me build myself up with a love that was empowering. He taught me how to drive and helped me get my driver's license (in 2 countries!). He taught me how to swim (still need to improve but at least I wouldn't drown if I fell into a pool now!)... As with any relationship, we are not perfect people, but we're a good match.
We have a handsome son together. Little Man's beginning was really rocky health wise, and we've have some bumps along the way. But I knew a whole new depth of love when they first lifted him over that curtain and have felt it ever since.
Hero sacrificed a lot and got a job that takes care of us financially. We have lived in several different states in America and now another country in the past five years. I have healed a lot and now intentionally working on that. I've acquired so many more new skills and received so much more training. I'm working on my higher education. I love my community! Our family has some wonderful connections with family and friends now. I finally declared myself a Baha'i and have had some great times already with other Baha'is in my community! (That alone deserves an amazing separate post.) I like the direction my life is going. I have a safe haven, somewhere I belong. I feel loved and am capable of loving others more.
All of that being said, I don't think self discovery is a destination. Our identities are constantly evolving through our life experiences and stages of life. If you don't like who you are today or if you're just at a really low point, it does not have to last forever! That hard time just might be rerouting you to a better future if you let it. (You could think of it as a plot twist in your life story. Characters develop through challenges.) My hope is that, in the next five years, my family and I will continue on the path towards bettering not only ourselves but those around us in the way we choose to live our lives.
Quick Tips
Regularly evaluate your priorities, values, and beliefs. Setting specific goals-both short term and long term-is great, but the choices that add up, the way we go about accomplishing those goals, our daily actions come from a core that you need to check on a regular basis. We all have room for improvement. We are all a work in progress.
Try to keep from getting stuck or from going backwards through introspection. How you go about this is up to you. For some, writing in a journal is helpful. Hold family meetings. Study your Holy Writings and their application to your life with your faith group. Seek out wise counsel (or a professional counsellor). Look for positive role models both in your life and those you only read about in books or magazines. See how you can model the qualities in them that you admire. If you mess up, try to forgive yourself and keep moving forward. There really are so many ways to make positive change! (I speak to myself as well as others in this! I certainly am not perfect.)
Q &A*
Do you have a difficult life experience that brought about a positive change?
Who were you 5 years ago compared to today? How has your life changed? What have you experienced in those 5 years?
Who do you hope to become in 5 years?
*You can answer these in the comments or in your own blog post. (Drop a link in the comments if you do please!) For some, these might be better as a personal journal entry. Please share this with your friends and family!
~LadyH
Inspirational Baha'i Quotes for this Week:
"Regard man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can, alone, cause it to reveal its treasures and enable mankind to benefit therefrom."
~Baha'u'llah
"Whoso ariseth among you to teach the Cause of his Lord, let him, before all else, teach his own self, that his speech may attract the hearts of them that hear him."
~Baha'u'llah
A Baha'i Prayer:
"O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.
O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord."
~ Abdu'l- Baha
