Feminism.
Feminist.
Feminine.
What comes to mind when you hear those words?
Do you only associate it with negativity...at least the first two?
If you claim to be "against feminism", I can probably guess at the images in your mind.
To you a "feminist" is likely an angry woman who hates men and thinks all women are better than all men, never shaves nor wears a bra, is in a relationship with a woman, smokes a pack a day, and is pro-choice with no children....Am I anywhere close?
On the other end of the spectrum, what are some of the connotations people have with "feminine"? The quintessential example of "femininity" in some minds is a woman wearing a long pink dress with long hair who is frequently emotionally distraught, heavily reliant on the men in her life, submissive, weak, a loving mother, a good cook, curvy but not obese nor "boyishly thin",...Basically the equivalent of some of the fairy tale princesses.
For other people, those descriptions are highly offensive and viewed as prejudiced, stereotypical, and outdated, but I have talked to people who sincerely believe those things.
Let me explain to you my views on those words and why I call myself a "feminist". Yes me. A wife to a man. A mother to a son. A woman who takes care of her family and does volunteer work without pay. I can assure you that I shave. I sometimes wear long dresses and skirts. I don't smoke...At the same time, my husband and I make decisions together, and we both have made decisions independently. Although the paychecks are in his name, we view it as our money that we have both played a part in earning, managing, and saving. In addition to those dresses, I've also worn shorts, "trousers", swimsuits, etc. Since my son is starting full time school soon, I'll be working on continuing my education and hopefully starting my own business. I am a different religion from my husband, but we both respect that. I take birth control pills (more for health reasons than controlling the size of our family). We work as a team rather than a hierarchy...I also think you can be a feminist and fit a very different description.
So, that's the first (and arguably most important) point...Feminism is about women having choices. You are not confined to another's definition of womanhood. You can choose to be a homemaker and have the sole income coming from your husband, or you can be the CEO of a large company. Or any other job or role or combination thereof. You can have kids or not, and if you have children, you have the choice of how to raise them (so long as it's not abusive). Birth control methods are up to you. (Honestly, I would love to see physicians offering birth control medicine, not just surgeries, to men as well.) You may earn many degrees or not. That option of higher education should be available to you regardless of gender. You can choose your relationships and opt to end them. You decide your own wardrobe. Wear lots of makeup, just a little, or none at all. Lead the group or choose to follow. Determine your own beliefs on religions. You can express your opinions.
That belief leads to my second point. The world's laws should reflect that freedom to make choices without being discounted on the basis of gender. If you look at this as a global issue, being born female means you have far fewer legal rights than your male counterparts. Females are either banned from receiving an education or have to face extreme danger and adversity in order to receive one. In a less extreme yet still oppressive way, females are discouraged from learning certain subjects (such as mathematics or science), from pursuing career fields, or even publishing their work with a feminine name. In some cultures, men choose who the women will marry-and when and where- and whether or not she can divorce even in cases of severe abuse. Women around the world have fewer to no sexual rights. Even in American culture, victims are sometimes blamed and shamed for being raped, and at times, the American judicial system, and their own communities, family, and religious organizations, have failed to help or protect them. In other places, victims are killed or maimed for surviving an attack. Some women can't choose how many children they will birth and raise even if having a lot of children causes them to lose their own lives. They are not choosing to sacrifice their own lives; other people are taking them by force. Without wading too deeply into the mucky water of politics on this, I will simply say that I believe people are sometimes pro-birth rather than pro-life, and if you go that route, I don't think you should be one without the other. In other words, if a person holds the anti-abortion stance that a poor woman who was raped should still carry and birth the baby, then being anti-welfare on hospital bills of carrying and birthing that baby and raising it makes no sense to me whatsoever. Have some compassion and decency...Deep breath...Moving on... Some husbands have all rights to custody and will use that to control their wives. If a woman cannot bear children, she is punished-whether by having people view her as having less worth, losing the ability to get married, or even being physically punished. Many widows lose much more than their husbands. They also lose social status, all financial support, safety,...They become crippled by an unfillable void upon the man's death which was created by the dynamics of their relationship or by their culture. These widows range in age between children and elderly women. They may have little to no social safety net to fall back on. Sometimes girl babies are either aborted, killed after being born, or abandoned because a male child is more desirable. Women are often not paid the same amount of money for performing the same exact work.... In places like America and Great Britain, women fought hard and won the right to vote and to take part in their own governments and have various legal options. In other countries, women still have no say in how their countries or homes operate. Again, even though Western civilization likes to claim to be so much more advanced, we still have a long way to go, and many of these things are happening in North America and Europe too. Though maybe it's not happening as openly as it does in other parts of the world (or maybe your own close knit network of peers makes you blind to it), but it isn't just an "us" and "them" situation. Some of this is going on in your own backyard! Even if we are doing fine in our own little corners, we shouldn't sit idly by while other girls and women suffer. We have to work together to remedy injustices. Like Martin Luther King Jr once said, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
At the same time, I believe in the equality of men and women, and we all have our strengths and weaknesses. That means I don't hate men. In fact, men can be (and some are) feminists too! Shocking, I know... I don't think that all men are evil. I don't think that every man purposefully got together with others and constructed a world where women suffer, but I certainly have seen the existence of oppressive patriarchies. I'm not blind to the fact that men have suffered too-sometimes at the hands of women, but it's possible to simultaneously acknowledge that and the disparities in rights in many cultures. Through careful analysis, you will find ways in which oppressing women and anything associated with women has a very negative impact on men and society too. For me being feminist means that I am also wanting and expecting the best for both men and women. When women are truly empowered, so are men. Societies as a whole are empowered.
I believe women's contributions should be recognized and taught in every school and focused on in interviews. Dating back to beginning of human civilizations, women have played major roles but often went unmentioned- undercover, ignored, or had their credit stolen by others. I can remember my textbooks in school being predominantly focused on men's contributions. There are female scientists, mechanics, mathematicians, inventors, astronauts, authors, composers, spies, rulers, doctors, educators, heroines,....You name it...That have been contributing to humanity long before it was deemed "appropriate" for them to do so. Women have fought in wars and led armies long before it was officially allowed. Sometimes disguised as men. Sometimes not. I'm not just talking about Joan of Arc here. Even in modern day American interviews of famous women, they are often asked superficial questions-about their appearance, love life, etc.-instead of their amazing careers. I am often surprised when I learn the other parts of history's stories and even modern events-the parts where women actually exist as more than just short supporting roles and props. These facts are documented. The information is out there and has been verified, but you really have to search it out. We have become better at giving credit where it is due, but we still have work to do. I love the "A Mighty Girl" pages for the work they do. Check out their website by clicking HERE. (They also have www.Pinterest.com (search for them in the "Pinners" section) and Facebook accounts. I highly recommend you follow all three.)
Women come in diverse forms, and no one should be treated as "less than" because their appearance doesn't conform to society's current idea of beauty. The media likes to send us all sorts of conflicting messages about this. "Real women have curves." "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." While sometimes these little catchphrases and memes start off with good intentions, you quickly find they fall short or are plain harmful. If you're naturally stick thin, you're still a real woman. Obviously, the person who wrote that second ones needs to visit my grandmas or my mom before repeating that phrase! Seriously, gumbo, strawberry cake and rolls made from scratch, Nana's roast, good BBQ...it all tastes better than feeling skinny! Also, way to promote eating disorders. "Real women" and "beauty" come in so many shapes, sizes, colors, and various other variations. Do you really have to be so narrow and put others down to feel better? Let's lift each other up and promote good health and well being instead.
Feminism doesn't have to be a dirty word. Many good people-male and female-are feminists. Striving for the equality of men and women means striving for a better world. We can unite together to make a difference. Educate yourselves. Research for yourselves. Then act!
Suggested Reading
Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Nicholas D Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn
www.amightygirl.com
Stranger in the House: Women's Stories of Men Returning from the Second World War by Julie Summers
Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul
You the Owner's Manual: An Insider's Guide to the Body That Will Make You Healthier and Younger by Michael F. Roizen, M.D. and Mehmet C. Oz, M.D.
The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls by Valorie Shaefer (Written with a focus on pre-teens/teens, but still worthwhile to read if you this topic was taboo at home.)
I also suggest looking for the works of famous women and autobiographies and biographies of them as well. "A Mighty Girl" is a great place to start your search.
For movies to watch, click HERE for a great list. Some of their list can be found on Netflix.
I feel very fortunate to be a part of a religion that promotes the equality of men and women. The Baha'i Writings contain many beautiful passages about this topic. If you want to read more about the Baha'i Faith, please click HERE.
~LadyH
Reader Response
1.) Do you consider yourself a feminist? Why or why not?
2.) What are your thoughts on feminism throughout history and today?
3.) What are some actions we can take to reduce the suffering of women and promote equality worldwide?
4.) Is there a way you can help women in your own community?
5.) Do you have any resources you can share that could help women or educate others?
